How to get the best out of this blog...

All blogs post are more recent first, if you want to read about Ellie's Journey I'd suggest starting from the first post back in September 2011 (October Posts) and read on Chronologically from there. It will make more sense and you'll get to meet the little girl who gave my life purpose.
Thank You for reading - every new reader shows that she has met another person and in her short life made such an impact. x

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Some days you feel like talking...

If you think that in amongst all this fundraising I've forgotten about my baby girl, I haven't, not that you would think that, why would you, because you are nice kind people. Hopefully?!
In fact it's the opposite, she is kept very much alive every-time someone offers me a free prize draw gift or to run or slim in her honour. There within lies a problem though you see, that at some point the fundraising will come to a natural close and then what is left?
Life is odd, to suddenly return back to everything you once knew in all the same places and all the same people and yet fundamentally something has changed irrevocably, you. (Well, me, obviously)
The life you thought was going to be so different with a new little person in it that was going to change you into a new character, a Mum., that life hasn't started like it was supposed to and its finished far quicker than it should have.
I find myself busy doing nothing and everything at the same time, craving solidarity because of the very nature of the past few months or living under a microscope and yet still missing something and being lonely. She has gone and there is a hole in my very existence.
I am thankful that I have a lovely network of friends that will happily let my mind meander in their presence and I promise, I am trying to start thinking about them more and remembering people's birthdays and to ask about their children.
My memory isn't like it was, my brain isn't my own at night and sleep is still a desirable commodity in our house but I'm hoping it will get better eventually. I'm not sure why I wanted to say that, but perhaps there are those few of you who are still reading that get it. You don't have to say anything, no one does, they still don't know what to say and that's ok too. Because some days, neither do I and some days, like today, I do.


  1. always here to listen.xx

  2. ((((hugs))))s and x x x xs from us all

  3. Still always reading and thinking of you. xxx

  4. Your often in my thoughts and i don't even know you but looking forward to meeting you when i drop the raffle prizes off x x

  5. Lovely written . I am sure everyone around you understand. My symphaties. C from Norway

  6. I started reading your blog many months ago and have laughed and cried along with you. I am thinking of you often... with love from Sydney, Australia

  7. I think of you, Dan and Ellie often too. Please don't feel that because your little Angel is in heaven, anyone has forgotten or stopped caring. Every day you still pop into my head and I wonder how you're coping, if you're managing to fill your days. I'm glad you have the fundraising, it must help to keep your mind occupied at times, I think we all get that. Of course it can't fill that void that's been left. Please know that even when the fundraising ends, I for one, will never stop thinking about you and yours and caring<3 X x x