Easing the pain

I probably wont be posting on Saturday - because Dan and I have chosen to go away for the weekend and 'enjoy' my birthday. I am acutely aware that many kind and thoughtful people will be remembering Ellie on Saturday and for that we are both very honoured and grateful. We will of course think of her, like we do everyday but we may not just not want to remember the sad events of that day and what it took from us.

Life is a funny thing - it's tested me beyond all comprehension this last twelve months. But the one thing I have tried to do whilst grieving for our losses is to be thankful for what we had, the opportunity we were given to be parents, to be a part of Ellie's life, no matter how unfairly cut short.
It is with this that I would like to share some news, easing us into this tough emotional weekend will be the knowledge that a new little baby is growing inside of me. Ellie's baby sister. She is due on the 5th of September - a day after Ellie's birthday. This baby girl is safe from harm as we have been fortunate to have extensive genetic testing to show that she does not carry the genes that took Ellie away from us.

Maybe someone has a plan for us afterall.

Fundraising Update

For those of you wondering how we are getting on with spending Ellie's fundraising money here is our latest news!

Working alongside Andrea Collins, Ward Manager we have secured the services of local business August Garden Designs who have offered us a great quote on proceeding with work in the garden space at the hospital. Clive has offered to prrovide one of his revolutionary new sound sensory units at no extra charge.
http://www.august-garden-designs.co.uk/

Below are some initial designs of how the space will be transformed. We have asked for a planting scheme to involve purple and yellow flowers, but most importantly to create a place for relaxation and quiet contemptation. Landscaping work is set to commence at the end of March.

We are also in the process of collating room equipment to kit out Side Room 1 in the Children's ward where Ellie spent her first week and following a whole month prior to moving on Christmas Eve. This room is already supporting lilac blinds in her honour. :-)

Sewn with love

I just wanted to share this with you - I was talking to my friend who lost her little boy shortly after we lost Ellie and she is currently debating the 'what do I do with my child's clothes' scenario that hits us at one time or another.
I'd had a head start on her because one of the jobs I started obsessing over whilst incarcerated in the hospital was cutting up Ellie's old sleepsuits in readiness for a quilt.
Once she died I found I was unable to touch any of the clothes she had worn, in-fact I carefully packed them away all but the few that she had worn that last week that my mum washed for me. They are still sat neatly folded on the cupboard in the nursery.
To encourage my friend, I sent her a picture of what I have so far completed - hand cut and hand sew. Then realised maybe I should share it with the rest of you who still pop your heads around the corner now and then.
I do this not to show off my sewing prowess, for indeed up close it is a potential disaster, but instead to show you what a quilt made from love and special memories of a very special girl looks like.

In 28 days we will be marking a very hard day - the anniversary of that special little girls's death which is also, my birthday.
Some people are really nervous on how to approach my birthday, granted I wont be jumping up and down - but gladly will accept cards sending love and kind thoughts - because i'ts my birthday and i'll never have another any worse than last year - so a few happy cards wont be a problem, so my thanks in advance. xx